Jacqueline-Surdell-Artist-Installation-Shuddering-Turns-to-Sobbing-01.jpg

Shuddering Turns to Sobbing

Shuddering Turns to Sobbing, Video Installation, 2016
No Words, CNC steel cut text, aprox 12”x36”, 2016
Survival Axe Sculpture, pine planks hacked apart with survival axe, wood glue, screws, 5’9”x2’, 2016
Endurance of the Smile, Single-channel projection, color video, 07:30 minute loop, 2016
Body Size, gym court planks, maple, resin, enamel, 4’x3’, 2016
Coaches Award: An All Relative Color Field, epoxy on gym court plank with deflated Coaches Award/volleyball, 4’x3’, 2016


Peering from below
gaze is fuzzy
Feet cold
white hexagons
skin from your scalp to your shoulders burn
steaming pellets smack
bite,
prick
It feels good.

You want to be hurting
you’re too cowardly
perhaps too smart
self ware
too narcissistic
knees buckle under their force
banging together

Blood rushes to knees
paralyzed under pressure
blood frozen
blue
purple
green
Blood paralyzed beneath skin.

Steam rises
the fog of your third eye.
One eyebrow travels
from the left to center –
then the other.
Pressing hard
into the middle of your forehead —
they meet under force
long ends breaking under stress
press skin of your forehead
up towards your hairline.
Soft pads
wrinkly fingers press to their core.
momentarily sooth,
continue their tireless action to the center
and up.
press hard.

Pellets strike your neck
your skin screams.

Linear plains of string
genetic fiber
whips,
turns;
settling under their own wet weight
like oil to skin —
adhered and burning.
dark mop
fiber hanging,
slopping,
tangled but smooth.
Plastic,
greasy,
sticky.

Stained bones meet your forehead.
rest there momentarily.
Hard cartilage on skull —
only a thin layer
soft,
rubbery,
plainer cells between the two.
eyelids extend —
wrinkle up
then smooth
out over dark,
glassy,
eyeballs.
Pressure — so much pressure within the dark eyes.

Heat, floods, saturated warmth,
burning –
blood vessels burst
leaving the color red.
The color of blood —
oxidized blood.
Different than stains of the body,
genderless
People tell me I have “nice eyes” —
brown in the shade
green in the light.
One must look closely to see the green —
beneath darkness there is lightness.

What is wrong with darkness I wonder —
why are you commenting on my eyes
what do my eyes say? —
what language do they speak?
Filling with clear lightness
they rub up down and left and right upon soft, wet, skin.

Black fibers cast little linear shadows from top of the
vision to bottom;
tubular,
empty,
they are shells.

Hot water raises,
fills,
filling the space,
overflows,
down,
down the water flows.

Wincing,
steam rises,
pellets strike.

Looking up
pellets smack cheekbones.
shell fibers drop from top to bottom
oil shifts from shoulder to neck.
oil gets caught in the wrinkles of skin
between…

(pause).

Stuck.
flesh stretches
condenses.
silk fiber rests;
slipping
returning.

Little wrinkly lily pads,
ten of them,
caress,
hold,
push,
press,
stress upon raised muscle
Below stains —
they press.
Lily pads on fingers,
fingers on hands,
hands to broken wrists.
wrists crack,
stress,
open and close,
joints creaking —
they pull,
tighten their grasp
Skin shifts over bone.
shuddering turns to sobbing
Pellets strike,
oil shifts,
forearms tighten,
water flows,
hot,
angry,
eyebrows push —
they push so hard.
Listening.
there is sound.
loud.
guitar.
lyrics.
screaming.
is this my own personal baptism?
octagons press,
eyebrows pressure,
knees crack in desperation,
stain ever present.
No way to clean it up now.
forever stained.
forever broken.
forever tight.


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